We Reconciled Our Marriage, and Yes, We Still Fight

My husband and I just had an argument. Like, literally 2 minutes ago. This argument was absolutely not necessary. It didn’t serve any purpose, didn’t really lead us anywhere. It was a fight for a fight’s sake purely because we both had a shitty day and thought it would feel good to make someone else feel worse.

Welcome to marriage, folks.

We reconciled our marriage from the brink of divorce last year. I knew better than to think that almost losing each other would prevent us from fighting, but I’ll be honest — I did think it would be awhile before the fighting happened. I guess I thought the second honeymoon would last a little longer than it did.

The truth is, couples fight. Hell, people fight. You can’t spend every day and night around the same person and not eventually want to snap their neck (or am I the only one?). I’ve learned not to let it panic me.

I used to let it panic me.

Every fight set off alarm bells that this was it. This was the one that would end it all. I think Charlie felt the same. I feel confident in saying that, because we both starting fighting way dirtier than we had when we first got married. It was like we both felt the impending doom in every argument, and fought for our lives.

Arguing with my husband is so much different now that I don’t spend the entire conversation with my fight or flight response activated. I can be calm, reasonable. I can breathe. I understand now that two people can love each other and disagree, even sharply. We will live to fight another day.

I love talking about the joy of marriage reconciliation. It’s also important to me that you see that it isn’t a perpetual honeymoon. You don’t suddenly forget how to be annoyed at each other. You will fight. But with time you will discover is a newfound depth and sincerity in the relationship — a mutual understanding that you’re in this together now. You’ll find that fighting is different, easier. Not as catastrophic as it used to be. You’ll find that it’s survivable.

If you’re newly entering the reconciliation phase, or even if you’ve been at it awhile, don’t be discouraged when you fight. It’s normal.

You’re doing fine. ❤️


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