I have this problem. Everywhere I go on social media, I piss off the men. Not all the men, mind you. But, like, a lot of them.
And this makes sense to me when I am tackling topics like sexism, misogyny, and toxic masculinity. What doesn’t make sense to me is how the guys who love to call us the “weaker sex” seem to get thoroughly triggered over the most inconsequential of things.
Case in point: I have a little series on Instagram where I share funny or relatable stories about what it’s like in car line at my kids’ schools. It just kind of makes sense — I spend a lotof time in car line between my two kids. Presently, the men are upset for God knows why about what I do in my own car while I wait to pick up my kids.
Among the top hits are:
”So you feel a need to follow the sheep and post a gripe while sitting in your car?”
”You need to get a JOB!”
“NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IN YOUR LITTLE CAR STUDIO!” This one is my favorite, because when I asked, “Are you okay?” He said, and I quote, “I’m just fine your (SIC) the one with the mental health situation SPEWING ALL YOUR UNPROVABLE GARBAGE. NOBODY GIVES TWO FLYING FUCK FARTS ABOUT YOUR STUPID ASSED OPINIONS.”
Seriously, are the men okay?
It’s a question I’ve pondered for a long time now. I used to think that a lot of men just really, really hate women. I’m starting to think that it’s deeper. In fact, I’m starting to think that the real problem here is that a lot of men hate themselves. Through my own healing journey, I’ve seen how much garbage can spew out of a person when you’re unhealed. My life changed radically when I began the hard and sometimes overwhelming journey of healing myself from all the pain and unresolved trauma I’ve held on to for all these years. I found myself more able to be patient and understanding. To be more compassionate. To not take things personally. I found how much easier it is to move through life when you’re not dragging all your pain around with you, and lobbing it at others when the mood strikes.
More men need to be in therapy. They need to be doing the work of healing, and learning to love themselves. Instead, so many of them choose to sit in their toxicity and ugliness, while we go to therapy to heal from our own pain, and the second-hand pain we get from these unhealed men.
My hope for the rest of 2023 is that more men will make the choice to take care of their mental health. If not for any other reason, at least so that their instability can stop being women’s problem.